Leadership and Conflict

Leadership and Conflict
Stanley Maphosa

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Settle matters quickly… - Matthew 5:23-25a

Leaders in any environment know that conflicts are part of the reality of leadership. It is impossible to avoid conflict and be in business at the same time. The goal is not to avoid conflict, but to learn to resolve it.

Conflict is a general term referring to any degree of disagreement between two or more people. Conflicts can be considered situations calling for negotiating and bargaining, or conferring with another person in order to resolve a problem.

James 4:1-2 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.

Simply put, conflict comes when we do not get what we want. A commonly held estimate is that leaders devote 20 percent of their time to conflict resolution. That is approximately 2 months out of the year!

Here are some steps to conflict resolution:

Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) – Speaking the truth in love brings about maturity, the principal ingredient in conflict resolution. It requires the leader to get as much information as possible to know the truth, then lovingly convey that truth by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes.

Seek to understand the other’s point of view – Conflict will never be resolve if defenses are held high and emotional blinders prevent you from seeing the other person’s point of view. Interestingly, the more we understand the other’s point of view, the less dogmatic we are about our own.

Seek common ground – By finding what you agree upon up front, you can defuse the situation quickly. When all parties are less emotionally involved in their opinion, coming to a common understanding and eventually agreement is much easier.

Make your desires and expectation clear – Conflict cannot be resolved if either or both parties don’t know what the other really wants. Mutual satisfaction may not be achievable, but achieving resolution is impossible if the reasons are not clear. Honesty and clarity are essential.

Stay focused on the issue at hand – This step is perhaps easiest to understand but most difficult to follow. We all chase rabbit trails that have nothing to do with the issue at hand, yet if you chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one. Make sure you are focused on the real issue.

Listen and don’t respond defensively – Make sure each person has their full say in the matter. As a leader, take notes and jot down questions or comments you’d like to make when they are finished, without interrupting. When responding, never accuse, just state the facts, and apologize for any part you may have played in the conflict. Prayer is also helpful if it is centered on God’s guidance for a solution and not your side.

Make a commitment to what is in the organization’s best interest – By aiming at what is best for the good of the organization, both sides will drop their defenses and resolution will follow. This may also result in a different result than what both came to the table with.

Always reflect to discover and apply what you learned – Conflict can be a wonderful way to learn and grow. When defenses are low and grace is high, receptivity is enhanced. When receptivity is enhanced, there is much greater potential to learn something new. At the end of the process, take time to reflect on what insights you gained and what you might do differently next time. Reflect on what you learned about yourself and how you can use this situation to become a better leader. Note, Christ did this with his disciples after sending them out to minister (Mark 6:7-13; 30-32).

As long as human institutions and human relationships exist, conflicts will continue to occur. A leader must accept this and accept that he has a responsibility to resolve conflicts or create an enabling environment for their resolution. An effective leader will do this well.

Some Biblical reflection on conflict:

Proverbs 15:1-7
1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
2 The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.
3 The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good.
4 The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.
5 A fool spurns his father's discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence.
6 The house of the righteous contains great treasure, but the income of the wicked brings them trouble.
7 The lips of the wise spread knowledge; not so the hearts of fools.

Ephesians 4:1-4
1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.
2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
4 There is one body and one Spirit-- just as you were called to one hope when you were called-